So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
