All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
