what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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