imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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