it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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