You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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