Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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