I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
