I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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