that's an acceptable place to lick
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
