I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
