we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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