The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
