his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
