i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I won't apologize to a one balled man
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
