Moan for me like Helen Keller
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
