i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Farmville is her only friend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
