When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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