Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
