***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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