Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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