Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
wow bdsm is so cute
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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