you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
