well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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