Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
