this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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