Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
