Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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