when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
