The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
