You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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