I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
