I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
