It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
