Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
