i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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