hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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