I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
