i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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