You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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