how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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