You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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