What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
