I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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