Pappa wants mamma naked
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
