She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
