you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
