This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
