dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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