I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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