just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
