your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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